Everything you love is here(via lovequotesrus)
If the moon smiled, she would resemble you.
You leave the same impression
Of something beautiful, but annihilating.
My boyfriend is driving all the way from Denver to come see me. He left at 8:00pm, it’s 9:37pm right now…so he should be here at like 2 in the morning. IF he drives safe like I told him to…
The story goes like this.
We met on Tinder. Mother fucking Tinder. We’re both Scorpios and our relationship is nothing but ordinary. He is from my hometown and before I met him, I only knew him by his name and not so great reputation. But he’s a great friend of mines best friend, never thought he’d be a part of my life. At any rate, we found each other on Tinder and I broke the ice by messaging him first. We exchanged a few messages but an entire month would go by before we gave each other the time of day. I would find out later that my previously mentioned friend told him (my boyfriend) that “we’re not compatible right now, the timing is all wrong, message her another day.”
Bored, depressed, lonely, and rejected by yet another no-go fling, I found myself on Tinder. With a message from Josh (my boyfriend) waiting for me.
Instant chemistry. He was at a Colorado Rockies baseball game with his dad but it was like he was sitting in his house doing nothing because the conversation was tumbling and rolling and it never seemed to stop or slow down. I knew there was something special about this boy. I couldn’t stop myself or my racing thoughts; I just knew he was going to be a big part of my life.
How much I underestimated that very claim. Coincidentally, he was coming to visit his parents in Durango, where I live, a few days after we started talking, and wanted to meet me. Of course, I was excited, nervous, and curious. Indeed, I met him. Not only did I meet him, but we stayed up all night the first night together. He initially dropped me off at my house as I had to work early the next morning, but after an entire 15 minutes without each other, we decided we were idiots and he came to pick me up again. We drove to mother fucking Dennys and over shitty pancakes and burnt coffee, we never stopped the conversation to breathe. I remember staring into his eyes as he rambled about the town and the memories he’s had in the city limits and just addressed how much I was falling for him.
For a week straight, I ate, slept, drank, and breathed Josh. He was home to me at a moments notice, completely collapsed everything I thought I knew about relationships and men and the dating world. We sat on his balcony under the midnight moon as he played guitar and sang to me in his very ominous, sexy, and mysterious voice. A voice I have fallen in love with. A voice that hums in my head as I sleep to this day. He sang me songs about heartache and temptation and love. Had I completely understood how deeply this boy feels, good and bad, I would understand us better now.
The sex? Don’t even fucking go there. Except were going there. The first night we hooked up, we were initially just cuddling. We talked as I ran my fingers through his hair and he ran his fingers over the lines of my “nothing but sunshine” collarbone tattoo. He lifted my jaw, and he kissed me so hard I thought he was going to misalign the joint…yet so tender and gentle, I felt like he was taming me…the kissing was so intimate and passionate, I only knew once I had him wrapped around my finger, we’d make love like you can’t describe, can’t fathom.
I tried to give myself to him, but he stopped me. He questioned and doubted if he wanted to do this, that it would ruin things. As I respected his wishes, 5 seconds couldn’t pass before he came onto me. And the rest is too fucking special to give to you, internet. But I have never had what he gave me that night, all of him. Every insecurity and embrace, every perk and flaw, every kiss and every hair pulled….he was embraced in me it’s as if we were satisfying the beasts in each other. If you know anything about scorpios, we are the fucking kings and queens of the bedroom. And that night, I swore to never serve another man again. He slayed me.
And this only had to happen 3 more times, guitar serenading 4 or 5 more times, nights spent together 5 or 6 more times before he was gone. Back to Denver. Back to being a face only seen through facebook, my other half torn and still tearing as time and distance sat between us.
What I haven’t said in any of this is that Josh is a recovering alcoholic. Relapsing after a 6 year streak over his ex girlfriend, I was and am terrified to love this man. The passion and emotions have grown stronger for someone who I know little about..more so the “other side” of him. He has come so close to death he’s kissing his coffin, yet he’s here. And he’s making it sober, and he’s loving me, and he’s trusting me not to destroy him. And yet, things have gotten extremely complicated. I fear my broken heart is not beating rythmically like it should due to the aftershock of an extremely toxic, insecure, manipulative relationship I just dipped out before Josh. And Joshs story all the same. His ex girlfriends ghost haunting him in a big city makes him feel claustrophobic…suffocated, trapped. We decided he was going to move back home to be with me with the support of his divorced parents, friends, and each other. We were each others heroine. But like drugs are known for, there is always a chance of abuse or overdose. I don’t know if the pain has caught up or if the real feelings have settled, but here we are. On rough waters, unsure of each other…and he’s on his way here. He said he needed to see me and out of sheer curiosity and mild worry, I asked him if he was getting cold feet about moving here, and he, unfortunately, said yes. So he’s driving 7 hours to come see me so we can sort this mess out. Dear fucking god, help me…Idk what to do. If I lose him, I lose everything.
Not even 3 nights ago I had a dream that I was drinking wine out of the bag at a party and my comrades were slapping the bag as it poured in my mouth and all over my face. *Camera Flash* and I’m running through the forest, dark as black, forest illuminated by the moon, and I’m running aimlessly for something on the edge of the forest *Camera Flash* and I’m driving a car through those same woods, absolutely wasted, crash my car into Joshs and kill him….
Alcohol, me, Josh, dying. I took this as a sign that I will be the death of Josh, the catalyst to his next relapse. Am I setting us up for failure, over analyzing, or is my dream telling me to stay far away from this man?
Only time will tell…he will be here later tonight…..wish me luck.
Kind of like lava lamps but better! These jellyfish are real. They have died of natural causes, been harvested by these lamp makers, frozen in liquid nitrogen and encased in crystalline epoxy. They glow in the dark, due to the jellyfishes’ natural bioluminescence.
it is my duty to reblog everything involving bioluminescence
finally, my room can look like blackreach